Tiny Things

I can now count the number of weeks until the Bug arrives on one hand. It's gone so very fast, this time around. There are still a bajillion Emmy + LIEN-related things I want to get finished, and then there is the baby bed linen to get ready, the nappies to wash, the meals to freeze, the Bean to give my undivided attention to, the friends to catch up with while I'm still capable of holding a conversation, the ripped jeans to mend.

I know, I know. I will be lucky to even achieve a tenth of those things, and the undone things won't ultimately matter anyway (mostly - I do worry about the thing with the Bean. Mothers shall worry).

What I really need to be doing is to sit. And just be. This time around it's gone faster, but it's also been much more difficult. I feel like there is an earthquake going on in my belly, while in my head there is nothing but fog. My sleep is erratic, my moods even more so. I wake up in the morning feeling sore but alright, happy, positive about what is to come. By 2PM I'm so thoroughly p+ssed off with the muddled thoughts, the screaming hips, the lack of breath and the angry fireball lemons charging up my oesophagus, the general exhaustion and sheer hurtiness that I want nothing more than to press fast forward and get. this baby. out.

But fast forwarding children will never do and, in any case, as a wise friend of mine pointed out: they cause less trouble while they're in.

While it's still in, then. I'll try to sit and be. My desk is a happy mess of beads and things. I'll knit a little, dream of tiny outfits for those even foggier first weeks. Maybe, IF I get the time, I'll plan ahead for summer and make a dent in the stack of fabrics that's been singing to me for months. The Bug will need rompers and popper vests and teensy leggings, while the Bean could do with some tank tops as well as a new sunhat. He's been asking for a bobble vest for weeks, so I've made a start on that. And I would love a lightweight cardigan for myself, so I'm itching to get the winder out.

Again, I know. Realism will be required. But a girl can sit and day dream.